No, not the weather. The song. Not the one by Candlebox but the one by Breaking Benjamin. Before I write about it I want to say that I am not the biggest Breaking Benjamin fan. I loved their album Saturate and then I felt like in every other subsequent album they "sold out" by totally changing their sound to fit what was popular back in that day. I think some of their new stuff sounds similar to their older songs but anyway...
I am listening to Rain on the album We Are Not Alone. It is such a pretty song and it brings back a lot of fond memories and nostalgia for me. I don't know why but usually when I get into these moods and listen to songs like this I cry and my heart pounds and anxiety builds up in my chest. Even though my eyes are burning just a little, I'm really happy. I think the memories that this song evokes are those of my relationship with Chris, how happy I was with him and just the simple feeling of comfort when he reached for my hand in the car or rubbed my back just a little when he needed to touch me. Just sweet little gestures like that and the way they made me feel are what this song reminds me of. I'm not sad at all, just feeling very mellow and content and somewhat on top of the world. Even though we aren't together anymore I can sit back and realize what a wonderful guy I had and how good it made me feel. It isn't all the time that a guy as great as he is comes along. Even though we had a lot of ups and downs (most of which you've read about here on this blog) I still consider our relationship to be a learning experience and overall I am very happy that I was able to live it, the good and the bad, even for just a little bit. I wouldn't take back one thing that I went through with him even though a lot of it hurt. Love is a crazy thing sometimes.
Without further ado, the lyrics and the song:
Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,
I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
Is it you I want,
Or just the notion of
A heart to wrap around
so I can find my way around
Safe to say from here,
You're getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
To lie here under you,
is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
hello again
I know I've been away from here for so long, but I just felt like I didn't have anything to say. This morning I woke up feeling energized so I told myself I was going to get on here and write something. Good thing there's a topic I want to discuss! As usual, it's relationships, but this time it's not one of mine. Actually, it's complicated because it is a relationship I had previously but now I'm not involved. I suppose I should explain (warning, this could get rather lengthy)...
My freshman year in high school I met David. We started dating in February 2003 and things got off to a rocky start because people thought that he broke up with his girlfriend (who was a close friend of mine) to date me. I never thought that was the case, but years later David told me that he did break up with her to date me. Anyway, we dated until my freshman year in college when I broke up with him in December 2006. We almost dated for 4 years so as you can imagine, it was a long relationship filled with plenty of ups and downs. After we broke up we remained good friends who still cared for one another and it felt weird for both of us when we wouldn't speak or hang out a lot. Life went on and I was there for him through some trying times and he was definitely there for me when I was going crazy from my most recent failed relationship. All in all, I thought we were going to be friends forever. I was wrong.
Without going into the whole story, which could take you hours and hours to read and for me to type out, David can be a really sucky friend. The two instances I have in mind are these:
1. He started talking to this girl named Brenna (who is the spitting image of me...no, seriously). One day I was really sick and had to go to the doctor and we had lunch plans. I let him know that I might be a little late for lunch because the doctor was being slow. Anyway, once I got out of there and I let David know we could head to lunch he opted to go hang out with Brenna. Obviously this broke my heart and since I wasn't feeling well already I just got really emotional. This was our first huge fight over something like this.
2. After Brenna didn't work out David starting talking to a girl at his school named Lucy (which is oddly my roommate/bff's name). This girl is 19, 18 when he started talking to her, and he is 24. For obvious reasons her parents don't like the idea of them dating, and besides that, she already has a boyfriend! David and Lucy like to hook up behind her current boyfriend's back and she's always saying to David "Oh, I'm going to break up with him soon, I promise. I can't lose you," etc. You know, the usual crap.
So now that you have an idea of what's going on, I'll finally get around to writing the post I've got in my head. Doesn't the situation with Lucy sound so familiar? We see it in movies and television shows all the time. The naive mistress continues to sleep with the married man, hoping that some day he will leave his wife. She keeps hanging on until finally the man kicks her to the curb and tells her that he will never leave his wife, especially not for her. In this situation it's reversed, of course. I think David and Lucy have been talking for quite a bit now (I'll guess since February, but it could be longer). Ever since then she's been saying "Oh, I'm going to break up with Michael. I want to be with you, I don't want to marry him," etc. Well has she gotten around to doing it? You guessed it: NO! In the meantime she has been getting really jealous of the friendship that David and I share. Apparently she felt as though I still wanted David and that I'm really attracted to him. I can honestly say with fervor that none of those things are true. On many occasions I tried to tell her that I am still in the process of healing from my break up with Chris and I definitely DO NOT want to date David EVER AGAIN. Why can't exes be friends? I think it's nice if that works for you and there shouldn't be any animosity from the new girlfriend/boyfriend. And, if there is, they're not worth it anyway. Especially since that's the first sign that there's no trust in the relationship which means that ultimately it will fail. This is one big reason why things between David and Brenna didn't work out. She didn't like me because David kept showing her the negative side of me (which I'm sure he beefed up quite a bit) and so that caused a lot of tension. Miraculously, David grew some balls and told her that if she didn't like me then they couldn't date because we were good friends and it was always going to be that way. That situation is definitely nowhere close to the current one.
A few weeks ago David and I got in a fight about Lucy and now we don't speak. Apparently within a week's time "we've drifted apart" and "our friendship doesn't mean anything to [him] anymore." That's fine with me because I'm sick of the ups and downs of being a "friend" to him. I say "friend" because I'm only that close when it's convenient. Since he's all hot and bothered for Lucy I can't be in the way and so therefore, our friendship is conveniently over for him. I'm sick of that crap so I'm dealing with it, and seriously I don't feel any pain over losing him as a friend. That's so strange for me to say because usually I'd be all to pieces over something like that. I guess I have finally realized that I don't need people like that in my life and I can move on and be happy. It's such a relief to not have to worry about things going wrong or when the next time I'll be ditched in favor of an immature, cheating sophomore.
A final point I'd like to add is that if she hasn't broken up with him, she's never going to. She apparently ended their relationship a few weekends ago but then immediately got back together with him because she felt like she "made a huge mistake." Okay, if David hasn't picked up on the clues yet, that's a major one. If she feels that way about being with Michael then I'm sorry, it's not going to change. She wants the best of both worlds: a boyfriend when she's at school and a boyfriend who she's really comfortable with when she's at home. Real life isn't like that honey. You have to choose because you can't play the field forever. If you continue to go through life participating in this stupid game you are going to lose, trust me. I've seen much more in life than you have and I can tell you these things are certain. You are setting yourself up for failure and hurting not only yourself but your current boyfriend and David. Is all this really worth it? Last night I texted David and asked if he had moved on yet. He said no and that he wasn't going to because he didn't want to. I said that was stupid because it's obvious at this point that she's never going to seriously date him. A few hours later I got a text saying "Lucy says bite me," to which I replied "Whatever." I'm a senior in college, going to graduate in May, and I'm busy doing homework and looking for a job. I really don't have time for immature BS like these two are pulling. So on that final note, let me just say that I'm glad to be out of the situation for good. People in college, especially David (at his age) should not act like that. But perhaps that's why they're perfect for each other in that really dysfunctional way: they're both really immature.
I'm out. Hope you've enjoyed my latest rant. I'll try to keep them coming.
PEACE.
My freshman year in high school I met David. We started dating in February 2003 and things got off to a rocky start because people thought that he broke up with his girlfriend (who was a close friend of mine) to date me. I never thought that was the case, but years later David told me that he did break up with her to date me. Anyway, we dated until my freshman year in college when I broke up with him in December 2006. We almost dated for 4 years so as you can imagine, it was a long relationship filled with plenty of ups and downs. After we broke up we remained good friends who still cared for one another and it felt weird for both of us when we wouldn't speak or hang out a lot. Life went on and I was there for him through some trying times and he was definitely there for me when I was going crazy from my most recent failed relationship. All in all, I thought we were going to be friends forever. I was wrong.
Without going into the whole story, which could take you hours and hours to read and for me to type out, David can be a really sucky friend. The two instances I have in mind are these:
1. He started talking to this girl named Brenna (who is the spitting image of me...no, seriously). One day I was really sick and had to go to the doctor and we had lunch plans. I let him know that I might be a little late for lunch because the doctor was being slow. Anyway, once I got out of there and I let David know we could head to lunch he opted to go hang out with Brenna. Obviously this broke my heart and since I wasn't feeling well already I just got really emotional. This was our first huge fight over something like this.
2. After Brenna didn't work out David starting talking to a girl at his school named Lucy (which is oddly my roommate/bff's name). This girl is 19, 18 when he started talking to her, and he is 24. For obvious reasons her parents don't like the idea of them dating, and besides that, she already has a boyfriend! David and Lucy like to hook up behind her current boyfriend's back and she's always saying to David "Oh, I'm going to break up with him soon, I promise. I can't lose you," etc. You know, the usual crap.
So now that you have an idea of what's going on, I'll finally get around to writing the post I've got in my head. Doesn't the situation with Lucy sound so familiar? We see it in movies and television shows all the time. The naive mistress continues to sleep with the married man, hoping that some day he will leave his wife. She keeps hanging on until finally the man kicks her to the curb and tells her that he will never leave his wife, especially not for her. In this situation it's reversed, of course. I think David and Lucy have been talking for quite a bit now (I'll guess since February, but it could be longer). Ever since then she's been saying "Oh, I'm going to break up with Michael. I want to be with you, I don't want to marry him," etc. Well has she gotten around to doing it? You guessed it: NO! In the meantime she has been getting really jealous of the friendship that David and I share. Apparently she felt as though I still wanted David and that I'm really attracted to him. I can honestly say with fervor that none of those things are true. On many occasions I tried to tell her that I am still in the process of healing from my break up with Chris and I definitely DO NOT want to date David EVER AGAIN. Why can't exes be friends? I think it's nice if that works for you and there shouldn't be any animosity from the new girlfriend/boyfriend. And, if there is, they're not worth it anyway. Especially since that's the first sign that there's no trust in the relationship which means that ultimately it will fail. This is one big reason why things between David and Brenna didn't work out. She didn't like me because David kept showing her the negative side of me (which I'm sure he beefed up quite a bit) and so that caused a lot of tension. Miraculously, David grew some balls and told her that if she didn't like me then they couldn't date because we were good friends and it was always going to be that way. That situation is definitely nowhere close to the current one.
A few weeks ago David and I got in a fight about Lucy and now we don't speak. Apparently within a week's time "we've drifted apart" and "our friendship doesn't mean anything to [him] anymore." That's fine with me because I'm sick of the ups and downs of being a "friend" to him. I say "friend" because I'm only that close when it's convenient. Since he's all hot and bothered for Lucy I can't be in the way and so therefore, our friendship is conveniently over for him. I'm sick of that crap so I'm dealing with it, and seriously I don't feel any pain over losing him as a friend. That's so strange for me to say because usually I'd be all to pieces over something like that. I guess I have finally realized that I don't need people like that in my life and I can move on and be happy. It's such a relief to not have to worry about things going wrong or when the next time I'll be ditched in favor of an immature, cheating sophomore.
A final point I'd like to add is that if she hasn't broken up with him, she's never going to. She apparently ended their relationship a few weekends ago but then immediately got back together with him because she felt like she "made a huge mistake." Okay, if David hasn't picked up on the clues yet, that's a major one. If she feels that way about being with Michael then I'm sorry, it's not going to change. She wants the best of both worlds: a boyfriend when she's at school and a boyfriend who she's really comfortable with when she's at home. Real life isn't like that honey. You have to choose because you can't play the field forever. If you continue to go through life participating in this stupid game you are going to lose, trust me. I've seen much more in life than you have and I can tell you these things are certain. You are setting yourself up for failure and hurting not only yourself but your current boyfriend and David. Is all this really worth it? Last night I texted David and asked if he had moved on yet. He said no and that he wasn't going to because he didn't want to. I said that was stupid because it's obvious at this point that she's never going to seriously date him. A few hours later I got a text saying "Lucy says bite me," to which I replied "Whatever." I'm a senior in college, going to graduate in May, and I'm busy doing homework and looking for a job. I really don't have time for immature BS like these two are pulling. So on that final note, let me just say that I'm glad to be out of the situation for good. People in college, especially David (at his age) should not act like that. But perhaps that's why they're perfect for each other in that really dysfunctional way: they're both really immature.
I'm out. Hope you've enjoyed my latest rant. I'll try to keep them coming.
PEACE.
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