damn, here we go again

So you know that quote from Austin Powers that's like "I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle." I'm starting to think that all things in life can fall into the "vicious cycle" category. This post isn't about eating though, it's more along the lines of relationship issues (wow, totally surprised you there didn't I?). Okay so I think it's over this time? I'm not going to fight it anymore because I don't have the strength, energy, will, time, or emotional capacity to put myself through any more of this. Maybe we're better as friends. I can tell myself that, but what do I do with the lingering feelings, the emotional baggage that comes along with a relationship's end? I've never been this way about anyone before and so it's hard for me to know what to do. I really don't have the time to commit to this right now seeing as I have exams and moving out to worry about and it just really irritates me how a guy can go from telling you that he's had the best day of his life with you to saying that you don't care about his feelings and that there isn't much of anything good to say about you. That's a real insult if you ask me, but like I said I'm trying not to let it bother me/get to me. I'll have to deal with this stuff at a later time. So yeah, vicious cycle: we're on then we're off, we love each other then we hate each other, he's sweet then he's an ass, we have three awesome days then we have one bad day and it darkens everything. Stick that on repeat and that's how my life's been going for the past year. Pleasant huh? When will I find that proverbial "Mr. Right" so I don't have to fret about this stuff anymore? No one ever said love was easy but damn, I think I've been through enough already!
Until next time kids...

top ten list #2

My Top 10 Favorite Things to Do During the Summer

10. Drink Starbucks on the patio
09. Watch butterflies flutter on the flowers
08. Walk barefoot in the grass
07. Take a ride to the NC mountains
06. Lay out on the beach
05. Stay out late and sleep in on the weekends
04. Ride around aimlessly on sunny days
03. Relax in the pool
02. Watch the fireflies
01. Stand outside and trace the constellations at midnight with Chris :)

last day of class!

Today is the last day of class- Halle-FREAKIN-lujah! Last night I stayed up until 2:15 AM writing my paper, which happened to be a little short (12 pages including works cited), but that's okay. I stayed at home so I had to get up at 6:45 AM to come back to school. My parents drove me back so that was nice. I'm a little woozy, but other than that I'm doing fine. Now all I have to do is work on revising (I decided to do this instead of writing 2 more chapters) my young adult novel, then turning that in at 5 today. Then I am home free! Until exams, anyway. So my exam schedule looks like this:

Thursday, April 30 at 4 PM: 18th century novel
Monday, May 4 at 12 PM: Growing up Latino
Wednesday, May 6 at 8 AM: Lit of the later Renaissance

Only three exams this semester, but I think I deserve it. I've had a lot in the past and this semester has been really good at kicking my butt. I am going home on May 6 and will not come back to Chapel Hill until August! YAY! Next year I have a whole lot of other things to worry about, like applying to law school and such, but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it! Right now I'm just really excited that I don't have much else to do except rest and study, and pack of course (blaaaah). Oh well. Off to do my revisions.
Happy Monday :)

what am I waiting for?

So, it's Sunday. 12 page paper's due tomorrow morning at 10 AM. How much is done? Umm...maybe half a page. Yeah. I've been trying to get something on my Word document but I have no inspiration. I'm just so burned out from everything and ready to get this year over with. BUT I have to do this paper. If I don't I will fail the class and it's one of my major classes so that wouldn't be good at all. I have plans with Chris today so after those I will probably try to write a little more. But you know what, at this point I'm feeling helpless. I know I'm going to be up late tonight which really bugs me, and this thing has been hanging over me the whole weekend so it's been hard to enjoy myself. I really wish I'd gotten on the ball sooner and done this thing last week so I'd be finished. Also I have to write two more chapters of my young adult novel due tomorrow at 5 PM, but I'll just do that during my break tomorrow afternoon. I'm not too worried about it to say the least. Whatever.

It's also really hard to concentrate on your school work when you have relationship issues. I keep trying so hard everyday, not giving up, and it just doesn't seem to be working like it used to. I can no longer blame myself for this, but that doesn't make it any easier on me at all. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him again. That was hard enough the first time. I guess I have to leave it up to fate, que sera, sera, right?
Any ideas for the hopeless romantic inside of me?

I have to go get ready now so I suppose I'll update at another time telling you how late I stayed up. BLAH. Until [a zombie-like state induced post] next time...

with thoughts of failure sinking in...

Yeah, so, I've got TONS (and I'm not exaggerating) of work to do before Monday. Two papers, two more chapters of my young adult novel, and I have to revise my semester research paper for my law class and submit it to a journal before 1:45 PM today. WOW. I'm in total freak out mode right now, but for some reason I can't seem to get the motivation to do anything. I got up at 8:20 (way early for me on a Thursday) and I've gotten some revisions done but now I have to change all of my MLA citations to Chicago Style because that's what the journal requires. I thought there was a function in Microsoft Word that made citations for you, but apparently that's only for the 2007 version and I'm still using 2003 which is straight out of the Jurassic period as far as computers are concerned :(. So now I'm pouring over my St. Martin's Handbook trying to figure out how to do Chicago, a style I've never used before. All this is killing me! Add some relationship issues to the mix and you've got a recipe for disaster. When your boyfriend tells you that "he doesn't feel a connection with you anymore" what exactly does that mean? Couples connect on different levels and each level is specific to the relationship. I have to figure out a way to fix this because I CANNOT lose him again. This I know for certain. Anyway, if I don't head out and start getting this work done: a) the title of this blog will become true to my academics and stop being just a Linkin Park lyric, and b) I won't be able to enjoy my fabulous weekend. In short, I better PEACE.
Until next time...

nights in Chapel Hill

Last night I went out to a club on Franklin Street which is appropriately (and cleverly) named The Library. I went with Lucy and a group of other people and we had a great time. After they played the opening 10 seconds of "Bye, Bye, Bye" at 2 AM, we got shoved out the door by a Chapel Hill Police officer and commenced to roam Franklin Street. Immediately outside of the club, none other than Wayne Ellington (basketball player extraordinaire) runs up to Lucy and they start talking and walking off from the group. By this time I was like "what the heck?" because I'd never seen a basketball player of so much fame just come up to a girl like that and start talking to her. After they were finished talking, we decided to follow him across the street to a wrap restaurant called [B]-Skis. Inside the restaurant we saw Ty Lawson! Then outside on Franklin we saw former basketball player Quintin Thomas. This night couldn't get any better. And to make things clear on how much of a cocky person Wayne Ellington is, he was wearing a chain that said "Wayne's World." Ha ha. Nice one. So of course there are pictures on Facebook with Lucy and my friend Fiorda posing with Q and Wayne, and Ty with his hat pulled down over his face (classy Ty). What a great night. We finally hit the sack around 3:15 AM. I don't think I've ever had that much fun on a Saturday night here. This has to happen more often. Well, off to attempt to read Pride and Prejudice and start writing my paper on witchcraft. I can't believe it's the last week of class! Hallelujah!
Until next time...

stir crazy

If I'm forced to stay inside all day, no matter where I am, I get really restless. Some sort of primal urge inside of me makes me want to go outside and do things. I love riding around aimlessly in cars, strolling around Target, and spending time with the people I care about most. I hate being cooped up in my house or wherever all day. It's so confining. Right now I'm looking out of my window and I see gorgeous sunshine, blue sky, and green tree leaves. I want to be out there, but I'm going to be inside most of the day trying to pack some things up and send them home. It's that time of year again when I have to stuff all of my accumulated belongings into boxes and send them home to sit in my attic and underneath my bed until the fall. I hate moving out of my dorm because I always have way more things than I thought I had and packing is never fun. Plus, I get to come home to a bedroom filled with boxes and hardly any space for me to walk. I'm hoping to get this taken care of earlier this year, though. I have to start working on May 11 and my first day home is May 6, so it'd be nice if I had a little space to get ready for work and all. I can't believe it's the end of the semester already! It's like these things creep up on you and you have no way of getting out alive. After packing I have to do work and write some papers and things, which I'm sure will be a joyous experience (did you catch the sarcasm?). I went to Davis Library yesterday and loaded up with some books to help me write a 12-15 page paper (yikes!). That's definitely going to make me restless to say the least. Add that to rereading Pride and Prejudice and you've got a recipe for disaster. Luckily I'm going out tonight so I won't get too stir crazy. That's what I'm hoping for anyway. I have to go get ready now, so until next time crazy kids!

love is hard

Recently one of my friends was trying to get into a relationship, but it ended up not working out. I myself understand how hard it can be to have a meaningful, long-lasting, and somewhat successful relationship. But the thing is, you have to realize that if the relationship isn't working out, then that means you're not with the right person. I know how difficult it can be to be rejected by someone you have feelings for, and yeah it sucks, but honestly if that person is being a jerk to you, why do you want to be with them? That is also something that's really hard to explain. One day you'll open your eyes though and see the situation how it really is. To my friend who couldn't get his relationship off the ground: you didn't need her anyway. She is silly, immature, and obviously incapable of accepting the fact that someone CAN be JUST FRIENDS with their ex. I know you realize these facts, but it just helps to have someone on your side. I know you'll find someone who cares about you one of these days, so don't get so down on yourself. Despair is not attractive (and neither is being emo). So keep your head held high and give it some time. Love is hard. But in the end, it's totally worth it.

heaven, thy name is IKEA

Yesterday Chris and I wandered down to Charlotte to go to the most amazing home furnishings store I've ever seen: IKEA. I'm really glad that I don't have any money because if I did we would've loaded Chris's car up with a bunch of stuff! They have so many cute/interesting things that I would love to own. I did buy a small pink lamp that's for mood lighting. It's a little globe with a bulb inside, but the glass is pink and has hibiscus flowers etched onto it. It casts a soft pink glow and looks really pretty in my room. IKEA is huge. It has it's own road off of I-85. Inside, you start upstairs in the furniture showroom, which is beautiful. It has a bunch of different rooms with all the furniture and lighting and accessories labeled. You write down the numbers of the pieces you like and then go into the marketplace. Inside the marketplace are the small things like fixtures, kitchen accessories, bedding, lighting, etc. Then you go into the self-serve furniture place which looks like a huge Lowe's Home Improvement. Basically you grab the furniture you like for yourself and then you go pay. An interesting thing about IKEA is that they have two places for you to grub down while you visit. The first is the restaurant on the second floor. They have a few dishes like pasta, chicken fingers, and sandwiches. All range in price from about $1.99-$4.99. Downstairs after you check out there's a place to grab wraps or salads and also a place to get hot dogs. Chris and I shared the two hot dogs, chips, and a soda combo and it only put us out $2.50! That's another bonus to this wonderful place: IT'S CHEAP!!! I'm not talking about just the food. In the showroom they had whole rooms in which all the furniture was less than $2,000. It is really beautiful stuff and I'm sure it's well-made. Everything is imported from Sweden and none of it was overpriced. My little lamp was only $6.99 and the bulbs were $2.99 for a 2 pack. My mom was buying a similar bulb for my brother's desk lamp a few weeks ago at Wal-Mart and she had to pay $2.52 for just ONE. Unbelievable. If you ever find yourself in Charlotte, definitely visit IKEA. I know I'll be going back when I have some money, and I'll most certainly register myself there when I get married!

bored

It's Easter weekend so I'm home quite early. Let's just say that I'm sitting in my room bored. I'm looking around trying to find something, anything to do, but nothing comes to mind. I was supposed to go to the mountains tomorrow with Chris but the weather is going to be crappy. Now we're trying to find something else to do and that's not an easy task. Where can you go for a day that's as beautiful as the waterfalls in the North Carolina mountains? I can't think of one place I'd love to visit. Instead of just sitting here like a bump on a log I think I'm going to clean my room. It needs dusting and straightening so I suppose I could do that.
One a different note, I've got three major summer plans that I'd like to share...
1. Build a butterfly garden- I've always wanted to do this. Butterflies are really pretty and I think our house could use some sprucing up on the floral end.
2. Take the LSAT- Time to apply for law schools is rapidly approaching! June 8th is the day I need to do the LSAT so I can start visiting and shelling out money and time into applications.
3. Get in shape- I love to work out, so there's no reason why I can't eat better too. I really need to try to look my best and also get healthy so I won't have so many problems when I'm older.
Well, that's all I have for today. I guess I'm going to go get the Pledge and start doing a little spring cleaning *gag*.
Until next time, kids!

we are the champions!

So last night my school won the NCAA Championship! WOW! I wasn't feeling well enough to join the celebration so I watched the game in my room. Once the news came on and showed pictures of Franklin Street littered with people jumping over bonfires I was glad I wasn't out there! But either way it was all fun, and I'm glad that we are #1 and I was at least in Chapel Hill when it happened.
Congrats Tar Heels!

aches & pains

I'm no stranger to having my body hurt all the time, but this just really takes the cake. Apparently part of this sickness that I'm still trying to get over includes muscle aches. The area around my knees is the worst, and a close second is my lower back. Add my neck, ankles, and shoulders in and you've got the whole package. I can't even walk or stand up for very long so it makes doing any kind of activity unbearable. Example, last night I was bringing my things back up to my dorm room from my car and I swear I almost passed out. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of my body and my muscles couldn't function or something. I felt extremely weak. Then my legs started getting jittery (for lack of a better way to explain the sensation) and I felt like I was outside of my body. I have no idea how to describe this stuff because it's unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I'm really not liking this because tonight is the NCAA Championship Game and I would love to go out and watch it with my friends. I thought I'd be better by tonight, but my condition has not improved since this morning. In fact I'm pretty sure I've gotten worse. I was doing some homework in the basement of my dorm this afternoon and when I got up to come back to my room I could barely make it up the stairs. I have no idea how I'm going to walk to class, let alone make it outside for the game tonight. I'm really sad because this is one of those events that only happens every so often. My question is why do I still have to be sick? I'm starting to think that I may have mono...
Perhaps yet another trip to the doctor is in my near future.
That aside,
LET'S GO HEELS!!!! :D

rainy days

They aren't good for the emotionally distressed. But alas, it is April, so that means probably about 20 more days of this stuff, interspersed with a few sunny days here and there. April was never my favorite month. I'd have to say that May probably is, just because it's not too hot yet and there are lots of flowers to make me smile. I've always wanted to get married in May, and I hope that will pan out for me one day.
Another thing I hate about rain is that it makes my hair and face look disgusting. My hair is so fine that it frizzes with any chance of humidity, and on rainy days it's just a huge fuzzball. My face on the other hand just feels extremely greasy and I also sweat a lot because of the moisture in the air. When I get out of school I'm going to have to move somewhere outside of the south so I don't have all this humidity pushing down on me all the time.
Also, rain makes me feel extremely unproductive. Today, for example, I don't have class at all so I'm trying to get started on using the day to practice for the LSAT and get my weekend homework done. All I want to do though is watch Sex and the City. I guess I'll have to make sure to push myself really hard to get things done. Perhaps my inability to be productive stems from the fact that I'm not exactly in the best of moods either. The person who I love more than anything has a tendency to break my heart even if we're not together. Breaking up is tough, but I'll get over it. It's only been two weeks right? I can handle it, but the thing that sucks is that when you have a heavy heart it only weighs you down more, making it hard to get focused on anything other than the matter at hand.
In other news, why is it so hot in my dorm room? Our thermostat seems to be messed up. The black line is pointing to 70, which is what we want it to be on, but for some reason the red line is at 75 and pointing at a weird angle. This has got to stop...blah.
Okay, off to get some work done. Hopefully I'll see the sun in a few days...:-\

it's gone

I can't do this anymore.
I've been okay until now, when I know it's not ever going to work out. All I can do is say I'm sorry for the past and let it die.
Why does love have to be so difficult?
"Take the pain out of love, and love won't exist." -The Academy Is...