Fifty Shades of Grey: A Book Review

(Note: This review contains *SPOILERS*! If you haven't read the books and are interested in reading them, you may want to read this review after you've finished the series)

Recently, I was sent the .pdf copies of the Fifty Shades series (Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed) by a co-worker. Almost all of the neighbors in my pod at work have been reading these mysterious books. I asked the co-worker who emailed the .pdfs to me what the book was about. She couldn't provide a plot, but told me there was "a lot of knocking boots" in the books. For some reason, she and the others who were reading the books just couldn't put them down. I left the email unopened for a few weeks, not really knowing if I had time to get into these books. My apprehension about taking the time to read them also came from this E-card I saw posted on Facebook:



But, last Thursday, I was out sick from work. I was bored and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to start reading Fifty Shades of Grey. The book starts off with a scene featuring our main character, Anastasia Steele. She has big blue eyes (described as being almost too big for her face), unruly chestnut hair and is skinny. The first few pages of the book showed promise, as Anastasia, or Ana as she is referred by most characters, has to interview Mr. Christian Grey, the CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings for her university's student newspaper. Ana's roommate, Katherine Kavanaugh (Kate) is the person who set up the interview with Mr. Grey, but is unfortunately sick with the flu, so she is sending Ana instead.

Our first glimpse of Christian Grey is stunning. He is described as young, tall and has a mop of gorgeous copper colored hair. During the interview, he is intriguing. He seems to be laughing at Ana for her lack of grace (she fell into his office) and preparedness for the interview (she had no time to do background research before meeting Mr. Grey). Frankly, he seems like a jerk, but I couldn't help picking up on some weird sexual tension vibe between the two characters, especially at the end of the interview when Christian walks Ana to the elevator and they briefly touch.

The sexual tension vibe continues for the first part of the book, until finally readers get some relief at our first erotic scene. Christian is a self-described "Dom" and looking for a new submissive, or "Sub." He wants Ana to be that sub, but she must sign a contract agreeing to let Christian have complete control of her life (he dictates what clothes she wears, when she visits the beauty salon, what she can eat and she must comply to do anything that he desires). Ana is not sure of this agreement, mainly because she has never had a boyfriend or a sexual relationship. In fact, she's a virgin. Upon hearing this, Christian is angry, but agrees to "make love" to Ana in order to train her for their future sexual endeavors (Note: Christian has already told Ana that he's not a "hearts and flowers" type and the following sexual encounter is hardly "making love").

It's after this first erotic scene that I started noticing the book's flaws. It's been two years since I graduated from UNC with a BA in English and minored in Creative Writing, and I still can't read a book purely for pleasure without scrutinizing it, or wishing I could edit it. I immediately realized that E.L. James likes to repeat the same phrases and words throughout the book (my brain is screaming at her to pick up a thesaurus!), which, in my opinion, shows a writer's weakness. However, I concede that this book is not supposed to be a classic work of fiction.  The .pdfs also contained a lot of typos, which may have been corrected in the printed books, but seeing as these files are a published book the typos should've been corrected before distribution.

Also, I feel as though the characters are flat. We seem to know just enough about Ana, and throughout the series we get to know a lot more about Christian. He is without a doubt the most fleshed-out character in the series. I just wish James had taken the time to round Ana out. We know Ana is obsessed with classic British novels, which feature flowery accounts of love and romance (think Pride &Prejudice), and that she has never been interested in dating anyone. I find it hard to believe that Ana would willingly give up hope of having a normal, loving relationship to enter into this sexual contract with Mr. Grey. Without any information behind her motive to do so, the whole premise of their impending relationship is compromised. I just don't buy into it. We need to know why Ana wants to do this with Mr. Grey-- it can't just be that she is enticed by the wicked unknown.

(Attention: Spoilers!)
As the series moves along, Ana and Christian do start a normal, "vanilla" relationship. Eventually they are married and have children. I'm glad James decided not to write more after Fifty Shades Freed because I look at this last book as closure (she's also a terrible writer...). Christian and Ana have been through A LOT of drama in their relationship, from Ana being completely overwhelmed by the punishment aspect of BDSM and leaving Christan, to helicopter sabotage, being stalked by a crazy ex-submissive, and kidnappings and attempted murder. By the end of Freed, it seems as though Christian has worked out all of his issues and that he and Ana have a complete, trusting, whole relationship where neither is worried that the other will just walk out. This is something that frustrated me throughout the series. Once Christian and Ana are together, Christian constantly worries that Ana will leave. I know why he is worried, but the unwavering reminder that he is insecure in this relationship bothers me. Ana also has her doubts. She wonders if Christian is satisfied with her sexually. She worries that she can't be all that he needs her to be because he used his BDSM lifestyle to cope with issues from his early childhood. I'm happy that she finally resolves these issues with him, because honestly she started to seem like a very insecure woman. That drove me nuts! Although I feel her character could be more fleshed-out, one thing we definitely do know about Ana is that she is strong. Her continual self-doubt about her relationship with Christian started to make her seem like a worried, self-conscious little girl and was highly irritating.

Another issue I have with these books is the interjection from Ana's "Sub-Conscious" and "Inner Goddess." These parts of Ana could be their own characters. Her Sub-Conscious helps instigate the nagging self-doubt that she is not good enough for Christian.  She also reminds Ana that she's a ho for accepting gifts and clothes from Christian when they are still trying to work out their Dom/Sub relationship(?).  I think "sugar baby" would be a more appropriate term than "whore" for this type of arrangement.

 Ana's Inner Goddess comes to life when there is the slightest prospect of indulging in sex with Christian, or when Ana does something self-affirming (like when she tells a woman to keep her hands off her husband). These sub-characters do provide a little bit of insight into Ana, but they are highly distracting (although a bit entertaining).  We can definitely do without both of them. If James reworked the novels, she could leave these characters out but still provide us with the effect they have (mainly giving us more insight into Ana's character).

Overall, the Fifty Shades novels are not exceptionally well-written; however, they are intriguing. Once I got over the less than spectacular technical aspects of these books, I did enjoy reading them. I finished the entire series by Monday night (so about 4.5 days to read all 3 books). I know this is supposed to be "erotic lit," but I liked getting to know Christian and Ana through the outings they had (especially their honeymoon) instead of through the erotic portions of these books (although those scenes were definitely hot). I do feel as though the plot needs to be hashed out more, because for most of Fifty Shades of Grey I didn't think the book had a point. It just seemed like sex scene after sex scene. I'm happy that as the series progressed we got to see more of Christian and Ana having a relationship outside of the bedroom, and the plot developed further with enticing drama and action scenes. I'm not sure if we'll be seeing a Fifty Shades movie, because it would most definitely need an X-rating.

If you want to skip the entire review, my opinion of Fifty Shades is summed up perfectly here:

hello again

I know, I know...it's been forever. I just feel the urge to write today.

I just did the most difficult thing that I've ever had to do up until this point in my life. My boyfriend Daniel just moved back to Connecticut and I took him home. It was a nice vacation (it was excellent to have my first "vacation" since I started working for RL back in September 2010), but I'm home now and really sad.

I don't know how to make the empty feeling go away. I know Daniel and I have had a long distance relationship for the past year now (he lived an hour away), but for some reason this feels extremely different. I have this overwhelming anxiety because I don't know when I will see him again. I have wisdom tooth extraction next month and hopefully he will be able to come for that, but it's a slim chance. If I don't see him in July I probably won't see him until January. That is forever away and it scares me. I know we are strong and we will make it through this but I really miss him already. I want to be able to see him two times a week on my days off, but it's really impossible to take a trip to Connecticut to do that. It's hitting me really hard that we are apart now.

The good thing is that this has given me an opportunity to accomplish something amazing. It may not seem like a huge deal, but I just drove almost 12 hours by myself. I left Connecticut at around 10:30 am and made it home at 8:50 pm. I drove across the Tappan Zee Bridge and didn't have a panic attack, pulled off the highway in Pennsylvania for gas and didn't get lost, and used a rest area without incident. I've never driven that far alone before and I feel so proud of myself for getting through it. Now I keep telling myself that all I have to do is make it through the months without seeing Daniel and I will be fine. We have plans for me to move up North, hopefully by this time next year. That seems like a lot of time but when I think about how much money I need to save I get a little freaked out and overwhelmed. Not to mention I have to make arrangements for my adorable babies (my dogs, Grumpy and Daisy). I can't leave them behind and it is nearly impossible to find an apartment or rental home in CT that accepts dogs. Why a place would allow cats but not dogs is a mystery to me. I'm not a cat fan in the first place, but honestly they have a tendency to "spray" all over the place (I guess this equates to marking their territory). Also, the indoor cats cause odor problems with the litter box if the owner doesn't clean it out regularly. Sure, dogs have accidents, but I'm a responsible mommy and make sure that all messes are cleaned immediately. I guess it's just too much of a risk to allow a dog and have an irresponsible owner let the place go to crap. It just stinks that it will be that much harder to find a place with Daniel.

Another thing I have anxiety about is leaving home. I love Daniel and I very much want to live with him, but 12 hours away from the place I've lived all my life is daunting. I have to leave my family and the few friends I have behind. Also, I've never been up north during the winter (and we rarely have any horrible snow in NC), so I have no idea how to drive in the snow/ice/whatever else. Also, I'm sure it's really cold up there from about late October to probably early March (again, I'm not sure). I love cold weather and would welcome a change from sweltering, humid summers, but am I really ready for below 0 temps? Probably not. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes.

If anyone has any suggestions about how to survive a long distance relationship, please comment. I need all the help I can get! I have to admit that I don't feel as horrible now as I did when I was trying to prepare myself for this day; but at the same time I still feel really empty inside. I'm hoping that this feeling will fade with time, and hopefully I'm blessed with a short waiting time for beginning my life with Daniel. We both know we want to work towards marriage but it just seems so out of reach at the moment. I hope this will get better!!!

I've rambled on enough, so I will end now. Hopefully I'll get around to writing here more often (I feel like I say that every time I sporadically come here), but we shall see. On a side note, I'm REALLY happy to have tomorrow off. Sundays are made for lying around the house, not working! :) Until next time everyone...

Lately I have been quite dissatisfied with my post-grad life. I never imagined that life after college would be so difficult. I also realize that waiting to go to graduate school was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made. Why? Because I feel like I'm wasting time. I couldn't wait to get out of school and take a break to decide what I want to do with my life. Now I realize that I had it pretty good while I was in school. Life was much simpler.

Here's what is wrong:
I am having money issues.

I recently got two loan statements declaring that my grace period has ended and informing me of my payment schedule. All together my loans are almost $300 per month. In March I will have to start paying on another school loan and that payment will be $40 per month. I need to apply for income-based repayment so I'll have some money in my pocket and it won't all be going to keeping my credit score high. I need a new car! With those payments I won't be able to afford a new one for the next ten years.

Tonight I gathered a bunch of information for applying to law school. The total fees I will incur during that process come to just short of $500. I need to accrue that money by February 15. Along with that, I need to find two people willing to write some outstanding letters of recommendation for me. I also need to somewhat prepare for the LSAT. I know that I absolutely cannot wait another year to go back to school. I need to start a career and ASAP! I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck already.

My job is another thing that I'm having issues with. I love the company I work for and the people I work with. However, I dread going to work most days because call center work is just not for me. I enjoy doing customer service, but talking on the phone all day wears me down. I always have a huge headache at the end of the day and my ears feel numb and sore from the headset I have to wear. If I could do something other than take phone calls all day I'd be happy. For now though, I just have to deal with it. I will probably start applying for other jobs soon, though. I just hate to think I'll be back in the job hunting process because it is so tiring and frustrating, but it must be done.

In happier news, my anniversary with Daniel is on Wednesday. I can't believe it's been a year already. I've never been happier. I know things have been rocky at times but we always move past the difficulties and at the end of the day we know we love each other. I recently came to the conclusion that he makes me feel normal. This is the closest to normal that I've felt in a VERY long time. And on that note, I will conclude this entry.

as the end draws near...

Maybe I'm just overreacting, which wouldn't be out of the ordinary for me, but I feel like my relationship is coming to an end.

The truth is, I'm tired. I'm really, really tired of everything. The fights, the early morning/late night calls when he knows I have to go to work the next morning, the constant disrespect and disregard for my culture, family, geographical location, etc. I love him to death, but how far can I go on if I'm truly tired?

This is the first time I've seen an end coming and I know what I need to do. A break may work, but then again a permanent break will probably be better. The thing about this ending is that it's a sad one. In the past my relationships have ended on a harsher, angrier note. There was resentment and name-calling and a number of other ugly things. This one is different. I still have the same feelings for him as I did when we first met. I can't help him anymore because he simply won't let me. He says I don't know him, but how can I know him if he won't let me in?

I think Facebook should have an "In a Failing Relationship" option. We already let our business be known all over the internet so why not reveal the true status of our most private moments? So unless this is fixed (and it definitely takes two WILLING individuals to do so), I may have to change mine to "Single" soon.

That's all for now...

without further ado...

I'd like to introduce

GRUMPY!

I know I've mentioned him here once or twice but never devoted an entry just to him. As most of you know, I've wanted a miniature dachshund for years. I finally had my dream come true on May 2 of this year. My parents got Grumpy for me as a graduation gift. I adopted him from Doxie Acre Dachshund Rescue out of Germanton, NC, and I couldn't be happier.

This little dog is the light of my life. He only weighs 11 pounds, but he brings ten times that much love to me everyday. At first I wasn't sure that we would bond because he seemed to love my brother a lot. The first day I had him he was just becoming used to his new environment, so he cried and whined for his foster dad to come back. Grumpy was sad for a few hours, but soon found solace in my brother's arms. Unfortunately I had to go back to school that night for a final exam the next morning, so Grumpy and Thomas bonded while I was gone. Later the next day, mom called me and told me that I better come home or I wasn't going to have a dog! I rushed home and held and played with Grumpy until eventually we were inseparable. The hard part came just two days later when I had to go back to school to turn in my last final and clean up my apartment, oh yeah, and GRADUATE! So even though the day I'd been waiting for since 2006 was finally upon me, all I could think about was my little Grumpster, who was sitting at home missing me. On May 9, after a special graduation, all I could think about was getting home to my little doggie. I'm so glad that we bonded so well. He follows me around the house constantly and sits on a chair by the window watching for me to get home. I love Grumpy so much and I can't imagine a better dog. He's very playful but also shy around other people at first. He loves to roll on his back and have his belly rubbed and snuggle in piles of blankets and pillows on the days we change sheets. This little dog honestly makes me feel a love I've never felt before and I'm just so happy to have him in my life! He's the perfect companion for me, so waiting so long to get him was well worth it.

let me go

Lately I haven't been able to sleep. This is a problem I had last summer and up until the fall of last year when I started taking medication for it. Seeing as I'm uninsured I can't continue to take my Lunesta and therefore I'm hurting. Things were good for awhile, but now that I'm completely unsure about my work situation I'm stressed and anxious and broke. That's probably why I can't sleep. But also, a certain someone who I've mentioned here before keeps coming back into my dreams. These dreams jar me awake and I can't get back to a restful state. I wake up almost every hour. Why do you have to bother me so much? Why can't I just let YOU go? Or maybe it's you who can't let ME go. I don't know. Either way, I really need to find some peace or I will be running on empty again and I hate that feeling.

In other news, I had a job interview in Chapel Hill yesterday with Harrington Bank. I have a lot of experience relative to that position so I'm crossing my fingers, eyes, and toes in hopes of getting it. If I do I will be moving back to Chapel Hill and getting an apartment with Daniel and Grumpy (my miniature dachshund who I've left out of this blog). I can't wait to start my life but I'm scared of what the future holds because of financial reasons. I don't know why I can't seem to save a dime but I've got to get better about keeping track of my earnings. Hopefully I will learn how to better manage my money and start saving for law school expenses. Just something to ponder.

Until next time...

feeling low

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything, watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
-Linkin Park, "By Myself"

So today has been one hectic day for my emotions. The verse above definitely describes how I feel right now, right down to the very core of my being. I know I can't help all the things that have gone wrong but they still bother me. First thing's first: my job. I've worked this summer job for four summers now and I thought I was going to get on the permanent staff since there were openings. I found out yesterday that I won't be allowed to join High Point Bank, a place where I love to work, due to a conflict of interest involving my mother's position with the bank. Honestly, I expected this so it didn't come as much of a shock. It could have been a lot worse. However, at the same time I was in the process of getting an apartment and starting to finally live the life I've wanted to live for a long time. I want to be independent and live on my own outside of my parents' house. This is a basic want felt by most college graduates and I thought I was going to get it fulfilled. Along with having housing covered I would have been getting benefits. On midnight of my graduation day my insurance was canceled because I would no longer be a full time student. This leads me into my next point.

I've been sick for the past three weeks with first medication withdrawals and now some sort of allergy attack/sinus infection that turned into a nasty stomach virus a few days ago. I decided to come off of my depression medication because I felt like things were finally looking up enough so that I could handle them. Stepping down Effexor is like taking a meth addict off of the drug without a methadone clinic. My head was spinning, I had no balance, orientation, or equilibrium to speak of. I had to miss 2 and a half days of work because I was in no condition to be there. After I came off of those withdrawals I felt physically better but could tell immediately there was a difference in my mood. I am recognizing the same symptoms of my depression: sleeplessness, irritability, loss of interest, loss of appetite, lethargy, and bad mood swings. Due to the fact that I have no insurance I can no longer take my medication and so I have to find a way to deal with these feelings on a daily basis. The day I felt better from my withdrawals I had an awful sore throat that turned into me not being able to breathe and subsequently cost me another half a day of work. Earlier this week, after thinking I was over the sinus infection, I woke up with severe nausea that didn't go away and a bout of stomach and digestion problems which I will not go into. That finally ended yesterday, so now I'm back to the stuffy sinuses. Hopefully I didn't have anything more severe than a sinus infection (like strep throat). I never get sick until I don't have insurance! Then it's like a flood of ailments all rushing in at once.

Finally, I feel like I've failed. A LOT. Sure, I've graduated college. But what does my degree say? Bachelor of Arts: English. Today I was scanning the University Career Services job database only to find absolutely nothing that I could do with my degree. For now I'm pretty much stuck in either retail or banking because that's what I have work experience in. I'd rather not go back to retail. That would be a huge waste of four years of college. I am currently regretting my decision to not continue my education and apply to law school like I should have. I thought taking a year off would give me time to build savings and relax from the stress of college, but I was wrong. I'm way more stressed out now than I was at the end of my final semester. I feel like my days at the bank are numbered since I only have until mid-August to find a job, and that's putting a lot of pressure on me. I need money to take the LSAT, apply to law school, and find a place to live. Not to mention the fact that I have a boyfriend who currently has no job, no car, and no way to support himself, let alone me. I'm not used to being the main provider in a relationship and it's really weighing me down. Things have to change, and soon. Otherwise I'm going to sink quickly and spiral into the depression I worked so hard to pull myself out of.

I hate that this has to be such a depressing blog entry but I don't know what else to say. Also, today is the birthday of my former best friend, Lucy. I don't really want to get into what happened to us but let's just say that we had a really bad falling out early in the school year. I wish things could have been different, but really, not having her in my life for the past few months has been a good change for me. My outlook on things is different and I can breathe and speak my mind without thinking twice about it or having to come up with an excuse about why I feel a certain way. Basically I can just be myself, no strings attached. It feels good but at the same time I was really sad to lose someone who had been so close to me for almost four years. All of these things add up to be a horrible mood dampener so I don't know when I'm going to pull myself out of this funk but I certainly hope it's soon. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and if anyone's out there who can relate please share how you got through your rough times. If there's ever been a time when I needed a lot of support this is it.

Thanks everyone.