Lately I have been quite dissatisfied with my post-grad life. I never imagined that life after college would be so difficult. I also realize that waiting to go to graduate school was one of the worst mistakes I have ever made. Why? Because I feel like I'm wasting time. I couldn't wait to get out of school and take a break to decide what I want to do with my life. Now I realize that I had it pretty good while I was in school. Life was much simpler.

Here's what is wrong:
I am having money issues.

I recently got two loan statements declaring that my grace period has ended and informing me of my payment schedule. All together my loans are almost $300 per month. In March I will have to start paying on another school loan and that payment will be $40 per month. I need to apply for income-based repayment so I'll have some money in my pocket and it won't all be going to keeping my credit score high. I need a new car! With those payments I won't be able to afford a new one for the next ten years.

Tonight I gathered a bunch of information for applying to law school. The total fees I will incur during that process come to just short of $500. I need to accrue that money by February 15. Along with that, I need to find two people willing to write some outstanding letters of recommendation for me. I also need to somewhat prepare for the LSAT. I know that I absolutely cannot wait another year to go back to school. I need to start a career and ASAP! I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck already.

My job is another thing that I'm having issues with. I love the company I work for and the people I work with. However, I dread going to work most days because call center work is just not for me. I enjoy doing customer service, but talking on the phone all day wears me down. I always have a huge headache at the end of the day and my ears feel numb and sore from the headset I have to wear. If I could do something other than take phone calls all day I'd be happy. For now though, I just have to deal with it. I will probably start applying for other jobs soon, though. I just hate to think I'll be back in the job hunting process because it is so tiring and frustrating, but it must be done.

In happier news, my anniversary with Daniel is on Wednesday. I can't believe it's been a year already. I've never been happier. I know things have been rocky at times but we always move past the difficulties and at the end of the day we know we love each other. I recently came to the conclusion that he makes me feel normal. This is the closest to normal that I've felt in a VERY long time. And on that note, I will conclude this entry.

the home stretch

Tomorrow is my last exam, and will arguably be my hardest by far. Not something I'm looking forward to. I'm planning on studying for it the rest of the afternoon so I can hopefully pass that class with a C or better. It's for my major so I need to get at least that, plus a B would be nice to make my GPA finally reach a 3.0. Here's a lesson for you guys out there: NEVER, and I mean NEVER, make an F in college. When I was a freshman in college I took Chemistry 101 because I thought I was going to be a pharmacist. Worst decision, ever. I made a B in Chem lab and a B on all of the homework assignments and quizzes in the lecture but when it came to the tests I never did well. My test grades for that class were 45, 11, and 16. No joke. I made a 52 on the final. Out of 200 possible points. Yep. That class kicked my butt and I don't really understand why I did so poorly on the tests, but I did and ended up with a big fat F in the class. I probably would've made an F- if that was possible. So yeah, I spent the rest of my college career trying to pull my GPA back up to a good, round number. So my lesson that I've learned is: if you don't think that you can pass a class, drop it. Don't be afraid. I've done that twice since I made that F. Never again will I take a class that is too hard for me to perform well in. Tomorrow afternoon I'll be a senior! I can't believe my time in college has gone by so fast. Soon it'll be time for me to hit the pavement and look for a job. Wow, scary! Now if I could only get my love life under control...then I'd be in the money.
Until next time...

last day of class!

Today is the last day of class- Halle-FREAKIN-lujah! Last night I stayed up until 2:15 AM writing my paper, which happened to be a little short (12 pages including works cited), but that's okay. I stayed at home so I had to get up at 6:45 AM to come back to school. My parents drove me back so that was nice. I'm a little woozy, but other than that I'm doing fine. Now all I have to do is work on revising (I decided to do this instead of writing 2 more chapters) my young adult novel, then turning that in at 5 today. Then I am home free! Until exams, anyway. So my exam schedule looks like this:

Thursday, April 30 at 4 PM: 18th century novel
Monday, May 4 at 12 PM: Growing up Latino
Wednesday, May 6 at 8 AM: Lit of the later Renaissance

Only three exams this semester, but I think I deserve it. I've had a lot in the past and this semester has been really good at kicking my butt. I am going home on May 6 and will not come back to Chapel Hill until August! YAY! Next year I have a whole lot of other things to worry about, like applying to law school and such, but I'll burn that bridge when I get to it! Right now I'm just really excited that I don't have much else to do except rest and study, and pack of course (blaaaah). Oh well. Off to do my revisions.
Happy Monday :)

with thoughts of failure sinking in...

Yeah, so, I've got TONS (and I'm not exaggerating) of work to do before Monday. Two papers, two more chapters of my young adult novel, and I have to revise my semester research paper for my law class and submit it to a journal before 1:45 PM today. WOW. I'm in total freak out mode right now, but for some reason I can't seem to get the motivation to do anything. I got up at 8:20 (way early for me on a Thursday) and I've gotten some revisions done but now I have to change all of my MLA citations to Chicago Style because that's what the journal requires. I thought there was a function in Microsoft Word that made citations for you, but apparently that's only for the 2007 version and I'm still using 2003 which is straight out of the Jurassic period as far as computers are concerned :(. So now I'm pouring over my St. Martin's Handbook trying to figure out how to do Chicago, a style I've never used before. All this is killing me! Add some relationship issues to the mix and you've got a recipe for disaster. When your boyfriend tells you that "he doesn't feel a connection with you anymore" what exactly does that mean? Couples connect on different levels and each level is specific to the relationship. I have to figure out a way to fix this because I CANNOT lose him again. This I know for certain. Anyway, if I don't head out and start getting this work done: a) the title of this blog will become true to my academics and stop being just a Linkin Park lyric, and b) I won't be able to enjoy my fabulous weekend. In short, I better PEACE.
Until next time...