reality check

I've used this term in life before...a lot. But only recently have I actually experienced one for myself. Actually, I've had quite a few of these pleasant little glimpses into who I really am (note the sarcasm). So to give you a little background on this entry, my boyfriend and I are breaking up for good this time. We've tried and tried to make it work and the fact is, we just don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of issues and a smooth, argument-free relationship isn't possible at this point in our lives. Yes, I love him, but I have to move on, or at least take a break from guys in general for a little while. All of this can be hard to handle, but we're mutually splitting so that makes the situation so much easier for me. There haven't been any late-night tears or lost sleep because I made an important decision: I'd rather have him in life as a friend than not at all. He knows this and has been very generous to me and my emotions for the past couple of days. For that, I thank him. He's such a sweet guy, which makes me even happier to have been with him for the year that he decided to put up with me.

So now, on to the reality checks.
#1: Saturday at breakfast, my dad says "The better you treat people, the more they screw you over." Now, it is important to understand that overall my dad is a pretty cynical guy. He said this comment in reference to an event unrelated to my break up. But as he said that, I realized that my boyfriend has called me out on this before. It really hit me hard, and that set off the chain reaction of more and more reality checks coming my way.

#2: I'm not always right. I have professed to realizing this about myself before, but never to this degree. I don't really have an example to go along with this, but just know that I have a deeper understanding of this fact now.

#3: People have different ways of doing things. I definitely have mentioned this here before too, but now I've also got a better grasp on this truth. Example: Chris likes to sleep in on the weekends, as most people do. My definition of sleeping in is waking up between 9:30 and 10:00 (rarely do I sleep past 9:30, though). That's because since I was 16 I've been getting up early to go to my jobs on Saturday and Sunday. Therefore, sleeping in to me is what some people consider early for them. Chris loves to catch up on his sleep until 12 in the afternoon. I've criticized him for this many times because I'm too selfish to let him rest. I'm jealous of his bed, to be honest. That may sound silly, but I want to spend time with him, all the while sacrificing his sleep which is vital to his lifestyle. Just because I do something one way does not mean that other people should have to do them the same way.

Looking at myself this way is really an eye-opening experience. Some of the things aren't so pleasant, but once you start realizing who you really are, you can be more understanding about the way others perceive you. I was wondering why these things never come at any opportune moments, but I guess that's why they're called "reality checks." As Lucy put it, it's a sign of maturity and I should be glad to have them.
I guess I am.
I'm learning what it feels like to have no one to blame but myself.